


The 7 Times Mamushi Houjou did not Hate Juuzou Shima

by MissMonsterite



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: F/M, NOT NEW WORK, Slow Burn, before the events in the manga, examining their relationship over the years, for these two anyways, from ff.net - Freeform, it's cute and sort of fluffy i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 14:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17327135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMonsterite/pseuds/MissMonsterite
Summary: There were certain things you could say about Mamushi Houjou.Mamushi Houjou was scary. Mamushi Houjou was cold. And most importantly, Mamushi Houjou definitely, without a doubt, could not stand one Juuzou Shima.How much truth these statements held varied by the person you asked, or simply by how Mamushi herself was feeling in a particular moment. There have even been several instances where these statements were proven to be incorrect altogether. Even the most important one. Especially the most important one.





	1. this hand that I hold (holds me)

There were certain things you could say about Mamushi Houjou.

Mamushi Houjou was scary. Mamushi Houjou was cold. And most importantly, Mamushi Houjou definitely, without a doubt, could not stand one Juuzou Shima.

How much truth these statements held varied by the person you asked or simply by how Mamushi herself was feeling in a particular moment. There have even been several instances where these statements were proven to be incorrect altogether. Even the most important one. Especially the most important one.

 

**THE 7 TIMES MAMUSHI HOUJOU DID NOT HATE JUUZOU SHIMA (not really anyways)**

_i._

Mamushi was at a crossroads. Well, not really. Having two established paths in front of her would be much better than what the situation truly was. Which was that everywhere was a possible path. Should she turn left? Right? North? South? Northwest? Only the thick bush of forest surrounded her, leaving no indication as to how she could return to the temple.

In reality, Mamushi was lost. She was seven years old and lost. But not particularly scared. In fact, she was slightly pissed off that this was happening.

Her father and the other elders at the temple had warned her about wondering in the forest. She could still feel the warmth at the top of her head where her father had put his hand as he patted her and said, "Mamushi. Be a good girl and stay out of the forest. We don't want you getting lost, right?"

Of course, Mamushi agreed. Getting lost in the forest sounded scary and unpleasant, and if her dad told her not to, she would listen. That was before she saw  _him_  exiting the forest.

She had just been playing in the field at a distance where she could still see temple workers, when she heard rustling noises and voices. Recognizing  _that_  voice, she hid behind a tree to see that smiling idiot Juuzou leave the forest with his big brother by his side. Mamushi clenched her teeth.

Juuzou was always such a pain. Because they were the same age, their parents paired them up for everything. They not only had to walk to school together but shared the same class. Everyone there knew they came from the same temple too, so they were often grouped together by their peers as well. From the people around them it was always  _Go find Juuzou Mamushi! Go play with Juuzou! You two have to keep an eye out for each other! Isn't it great to be so close with someone your own age! You guys will be together forever! This is a relationship you'll appreciate when you're older_! Blah blah blah blah blah.

Only seven and already the idea of being together forever annoyed Mamushi. Well, sort of. She certainly huffed and puffed when she heard people say that for the effect, but really, what was forever to a seven year old? And it wasn't like she could picture a life without Juuzou Shima, no matter how gross that sounded. They had been together their whole lives, all seven years! Mamushi's first memory probably had to do with Juuzou in some way!

Mamushi hadn't always felt this way. Of course not. Crawling together, learning to walk together, napping together, playing together. They had had some good times. In fact, this phase of their relationship was only a recent development.

Because suddenly Juuzou was cool enough to hang out with his older brother and too cool to hang out with Mamushi. Suddenly, Juuzou thought girls had cooties. Suddenly, Mamushi's hair was perfect for pulling on. Suddenly, Juuzou was super popular among all of their classmates and Mamushi was the one with the scary eyes and cold personality.

Mamushi left the safety from behind the tree once she thought that Juuzou and his brother had left the field. She gave a cold hard look at the tall dense trees in front of her. If Juuzou was allowed in then so should Mamushi. He was in no way better than her in any shape or form.

"Too scared to go in?" she heard a familiar voice say behind her. She turned around to see Juuzou standing there with his arms crossed in all his stupid glory. He looked so smug.

"Y'know it's not so bad in there," he said walking closer. "I wasn't afraid at all. But I would understand if you were considering you're not as brave as me."

Mamushi almost hissed at him but instead she crossed her arms in turn and said "Oh, yeah? Who says that?"

Juuzou shrugged his shoulders in nonchalance though his face gave away the childish glee he was really feeling. "No one needs to. You're just always following your daddy around and listen to everything he says. You're such a good girl Mamushi. A daddy's girl," he sneered.

Mamushi's face flushed with heat. She had heard people say it before but it didn't sound the same way as when Juuzou said it. Normally she felt pride to hear people call her that but now it made her feel like a coward.

"Don't like it? Then go in and prove that you're not. My dad told me not to go in either but me and my big bro went in anyway," he bragged.

Mamushi let out a laugh. "Ha. There you go again. You're always talking about that stupid big bro of yours. My big bro did this, my big bro did that," she mimicked. "I bet if your big bro told you to go fetch, you'd go back and forth forever."

Finally the superior act dropped and Juuzou spluttered, face red. "H-hey! My big bro is not stupid! And he wouldn't do that! He likes hanging around with me!"

Mamushi scoffed. "Well if I'm a daddy's girl, you're the same with your brother!"

"Am not!" Juuzou yelled.

"Then let's just put this behind us! We both go into the forest. You without your brother and me against my father's wishes," Mamushi declared.

"Fine!"

With that they both marched their way to the edge of the forest. They paused a little at the threshold and caught each other's eye. Immediately they looked away indignantly and stubbornly took the first few steps inside.

The forest amazed Mamushi. Its thick tress somehow muted the outside world but inside the lush green scenery there were noises that could only be heard from inside. The sound of a babbling brook, the chirps of birds, and the quiet rustle of leaves surrounded her. Even the air was different, moister.

She was enjoying herself as they made their way deeper into the forest when she heard, "Uh, maybe we should turn back."

Having almost forgotten that Juuzou was with her, Mamushi turned to stare at him. "Why?"

"Well, uh. Well, this is as far as me and big bro went," he mumbled under his breath while looking at his shoes.

A sneaky grin made its way on to Mamushi's face. "I thought you were proving you could do things without your brother. If you turn back now you'll just prove I'm right."

Juuzou whipped his head up so fast that Mamushi thought that he would get whip lash. "Nuh uh! The deal is that I go into the forest without him and I did! You can't just change things!"

Mamushi was full on smiling now. "You can't stop the way I think and if you turn back I'll just always think of you as a – as a….brother's boy!"

Juuzou's eyes narrowed. "Fine! Whatever. Think of me as whatever you want! I don't care. I'm turning back." He didn't move as he looked expectantly at Mamushi.

Mamushi just crossed her arms and looked away. "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. But I want to keep exploring."

Juuzou's mouth opened in shock. "U-uh…B-but…"

Mamushi just turned around again and started walking away from him.

"W-wait! You can't just go on your own!"

"Yes I can. Bye." She waved without looking back at him.

"Fine! Whatever!" She could hear him stomp away until his footsteps gradually disappeared.

 _Finally. Peace and quiet,_  Mamushi thought to herself.

Mamushi continued to explore for a while before thinking that it'd be best to go back before anyone realized that she had gone. She started heading down the way that she had thought she had gone through but soon she realized that she couldn't recognize her surroundings anymore. None of the trees looked familiar and she didn't have a clear enough sense of direction to know if she was moving closer to the temple or farther away.

Leaving her at her current crossroads. What to do. She could just stay where she was to make it easier for people to find her when they realized she was missing and started looking in the forest. Or maybe Juuzou had already gone and ratted her out. This wasn't a particularly great plan to Mamushi as she rather just get out of this forest without alarming anyone (or getting in trouble).

It didn't look like she was going to have much of a choice though as she noticed her darkening surroundings. There definitely wasn't much time left before someone noticed. She sighed and decided to find a good place to sit down and wait.

She didn't have to wait long before something happened. Nearby where she chose to sit, in the long grass and scattered leaves, there was a rustling sound. She couldn't see anything but whatever it was, it was making its way closer to her.

Hastily, she stood up but was not able to move away fast enough before fear made her freeze up. Peeking its head out of the grass and sticking its tongue out at Mamushi was a black and yellow patterned snake.

Mamushi tried to calm her breathing and remain very still but her heart pounded uncontrollably. Before either of them were able to make a move however, a piece of wood came flying and hit the snake right on its head.

"Come on!" a voice yelled before a grubby looking hand grabbed hers and pulled her flying after it.

She didn't need to look at the messy hair, the small stature, or the clothes to figure out who the person was. It was the hand. But looking at the dirty clammy fingers wrapped around hers wasn't necessary either. She could have her eyes closed and would still know this hand. It was a hand she had had held throughout her short life. It was the one her parents made her hold every time she crossed the street on the way to school. The one she had accidentally grabbed in fright during a thunder storm. The one who helped her up when she had fallen in a game of hide and seek. Whose else could it be but Juuzou's.

She held on even tighter as they ran without looking back, Juuzou leading the way. They ran until they made it to the field where the challenge had been declared not that long ago. The sun was setting now and the sky was lit orange. Juuzou, panting, kneeled down, too tired to stand, and ended up pulling Mamushi down with him, still holding hands.

Looking down while trying to catch his breath, Juuzou said, "You….are….such….an…..idiot…"

Mamushi, who was much less tired considering she hadn't run into the forest trying to quickly look for her and then run out like Juuzou had, rolled her eyes and scoffed. "That could have happened to anyone."

Before Juuzou could reply though their fathers showed up in the field. "There you two are! We've been looking for you guys everywhere," Yaozo said.

Uwabami narrowed his eyes once he saw Mamushi's stained dress and the tear in her leggings. "You two haven't been playing in the forest, have you?"

Mamushi and Juuzou shared a wide eyed look together. "Juuzou…" there was a warning in Yaozo's voice. "How many times have I told you to stop going in there? And now you took Mamushi?"

Suddenly Mamushi spoke up. "But he didn't! We were just playing around here when I tripped. Juuzou was just helping me up." Mamushi could feel Juuzou's eyes on her.

The fathers exchanged looks. "Fine then," Uwabami said. "Let's go get some dinner." However, before he fully dropped his guard he squinted at their clasped hands as they both got up from the ground.

He turned to Yaozo, "They were just playing around, right? Tag and hide and seek, right?"

Yaozo laughed. "They're just kids Uwabami. What are you thinking? That's not something we have to worry about."

"Of course, of course. I'm overreacting."

As Uwabami walked away, Yaozo muttered under his breath, "Yet anyways."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Hurry up kids!" Yaozo called out to the kids behind him as he matched his pace with Uwabami.

Mamushi and Juuzou finally let go of each other's hands to brush themselves off. They didn't say anything for a while before, "Thanks," Juuzou mumbled.

Mamushi looked at him. "I was just making it even. You helped me out and now I helped you out. So don't hold it over me."

Now it was Juuzou's turn to stare at her. "Of course I wouldn't have done that. Besides, I didn't do much. I mean, do you really think I would have just let you get bitten to death by a snake?"

He started walking to catch up with their fathers and Mamushi just stared at his retreating form. Mamushi wasn't even talking about that. She had been referring to the fact that he had come back to get her. And he did so without telling anyone and letting her mistake be publicly known. That included his big bro. But she knew that that was even less of a big deal to Juuzou then the snake.

Mamushi suddenly scrunched up her face. "Then what was he doing thanking me? I would have done it anyway. Did he think I wanted to get in trouble too?" she muttered under her breath as she ran to catch up. "Idiot."


	2. crosswalks and crossroads

 

_ii._

 

There was a heavy spring rain pounding on the roof, a view of the downpour in the window next to her table, a book in her hands, and the peaceful quiet and emptiness of the library. To Mamushi, everything was perfect. Perfect except for…  _Sigh_

Mamushi's left eye almost twitched as Juuzou released yet another breath of air. She peeked at him over her book to where he was sitting across from her, resting his head over his crossed arms that he pressed against the table, absentmindedly staring at the spring shower.

The sight was enough to get Mamushi to release a sigh of her own. It was downright weird for Juuzou to be spending his lunch with her but it was the second time this week. Normally, Mamushi would have let him know that he was cramping her style and he should beat it because they spent enough time together outside of school. But things hadn't been normal or close to it for a while.

Nothing had been normal since the Blue Night. Since Juuzou's older brother and many others died because of the flames of Satan. That night had changed the lives of everyone at the temple and Juuzou was no different. His life would never again be the normal they once knew.

By being the second son in the Shima family, he had now become the oldest. Taking over the position that his 'big bro' once had. Because of that he had changed since that night. Not only did he have to take over the responsibilities of being the next in line of the Shima family but he had taken over being the big brother to all of his younger siblings.

Mamushi could see the effort he put in to be a good big brother and a good son like his brother had been but, in her opinion, it wasn't really necessary. With or without Blue Night happening, it wouldn't change the fact that Juuzou liked taking care of kids or the fact that he was a responsible and level headed son. These things were ways that you could have described Juuzou before and after the incident. The only difference was the emphasis that he was placing on those things. And how hard he worked to get rid of his characteristics that he had deemed 'immature' or not proper to have anymore.

Since the funeral, Mamushi rarely saw him. He always seemed busy with something. Busy comforting those who needed it or being responsible for something or talking with his father or taking care of and training his siblings. These were things Mamushi understood herself considering she was the eldest in her family but seeing Juuzou having to act like that was strange at first.

Juuzou made sure to keep himself busy. So busy that they didn't even walk to school anymore. He would either leave for school early or come in late. Often times Mamushi wished she would come in to class late as well. Both of them were recognized by their town as belonging to the 'cursed temple' and it made people wary. It left them ostracized by their peers. Mamushi was already used to being on her own during the school hours and only ever felt close to those at the temple, even if that meant the Shima family. Juuzou, on the other hand, had always been popular among their classmates but, he too, was getting the cold shoulder from them.

However, this still did not mean that they spent their lunches together. Mamushi preferred to not be around those who referred to her temple as 'cursed' and felt that she spent enough time with Juuzou as was so she spent her lunch in the library. Juuzou went….elsewhere. She wasn't really sure and she never bothered to ask. It wasn't any of her business.

The only catalyst that Mamushi could think of that could have caused him to decide to eat lunch together happened two days earlier. Mamushi had been walking to school at her regular time. Her sisters were sick that day and so she was making the trip alone which could be kind of miserable. She may have never had any real friends at school but being treated like a social leper was worse.

She had been worrying about whether her bangs covered the zit she discovered that morning when she saw Juuzou by the crosswalk. Strangely enough, he was alone too. She wordlessly stood next to him as they both waited for the sign to change. It was a situation they were both used to and unused to at the same time. Both comfortable and uncomfortable. They were normally surrounded by their siblings and other temple children yet they had also spent a great deal of time alone together. Walking together before Blue Night and now walking together after it. It was just the same.

She remembered that a couple of years ago this was the crosswalk where they were forced to hold hands as they crossed it. Sometimes they would protest and makes faces.

" _I don't want to hold hands with Mamushi! Her hands are always cold!"_

_"Well, I don't want to hold your stupid sweaty hands either!"_

She felt so much older than she had been then. But at the same time, though everything felt different, not much had changed either.

They crossed in silence but once they had made it to the other side Juuzou broke it, "Your sisters are sick too?"

Mamushi almost scoffed. Of course they would have the same illness, having spent so much time together. Instead, she gave a nod.

"This feels strange, huh? We haven't walked to school together in a long time."

_And whose actions are responsible for that?_  Mamushi thought but she said, "I've been enjoying the peace and quiet. It's too bad it had to end."

Juuzou laughed. "You're still so mean Mamushi."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

They both stopped, now standing just at the entrance of the school, and Juuzou stared at Mamushi. Mamushi did not waver in staring right back at him. Juuzou opened his mouth as if to say something but was interrupted by other students pushing their way past the frozen pair. At this, Mamushi entered the school and went on her own way leaving Juuzou to do the same.

However, during lunch of that day, he found her at the library and joined her. He didn't say anything to her or try to distract her from her reading at all. He simply stared out the window. But this distracted her more than talking would have and she couldn't focus on her book at all! Lunch ended without having spoken a word to each other and it left Mamushi greatly confused.

The next day they didn't see each other once and Mamushi began to think that maybe that had been a onetime thing. Just as she was beginning to get lured into that false sense of security, Mamushi was surprised to see him already sitting at her favourite table in the library during their next lunchtime.

Like he had done the day before, she didn't say anything to him and just opened the book to try and read it but couldn't make it past the first page. All of his subtle movements and sounds were distracting her worse than if someone had been yelling in the library! She just couldn't focus when he was in her space like that. After reading the same sentence for the fortieth time, Mamushi had had enough.

She slammed her book against the table and glared at Juuzou across from her. He had looked up in shock to see what the noise had been about and was even more surprised to see the glare Mamushi was giving him.

"Okay. That's enough. What is it? What do you want? Why are you here?" she spoke through clenched teeth.

Juuzou's shocked face melted into something more neutral. He shrugged his shoulders as he adjusted himself to be leaning back against the chair with his hands behind his head. "Just passing the time until lunch is over."

Mamushi continued to glare. "But why are you doing it here?"

Juuzou stared into Mamushi's eyes for a long moment before shrugging again. Before Mamushi could get in a response, Juuzou tilted his head back to face the ceiling and closed his eyes.

After a moment, he said quietly, "You're still the same," he paused. "Even after everything changed." He didn't provide any information as to whether that was supposed to answer her question or if she was supposed to answer that.

Mamushi stared at him. He was still facing the ceiling with his eyes closed like he hadn't said anything at all. Eventually she rolled her eyes. "Like you've changed so much. You're still just a stupid Shima. Just like your stupid dad. Just like your stupid brother."

That got him looking at her again. In his face she could recognize some of that temper that he had hidden away but was, apparently, just underneath the surface. "What did you just say?" He raised his voice as much as he could in a library.

"Wow," Mamushi said dryly, knowing she was about to push some serious buttons. "Even you're embarrassed to be called a Shima."

That had done it. Juuzou leaped out of his chair, slammed his hands on the table, and opened his mouth to give her a serious telling off when he stopped. If he did this, it might cause trouble for his family. He wouldn't be setting a good example like a big brother should. In his eyes, if he did this he would be failing in his new responsibilities. But if he didn't…well it just wouldn't be right. Because this is what Mamushi drives him to do. He plays cool and calm until she pushes the right button and he's off. And if he didn't do it, it wouldn't be the same. The semblance of his past life that he could hold onto, he would be letting go. And Mamushi knew that.

Mamushi raised her eyebrows at him. Looking a combination of bored and expectant. A face that clearly said "Is that it?" No, it most definitely was not.

xxxxxxxx

"I'm sure you both know that not even loud talking is allowed in the library so what both of you were doing shouting and fighting in the library, I will never understand," the principal said as he rubbed his forehead from behind his desk. "And the amount of profanity used. I mean, gee golly. It's not the type of language I would think you were taught at a temple of all places."

Both Juuzo and Mamushi sat quietly in front of the principal's desk, heads bowed. They had been kicked out of the library at lunch for brawling and shouting. They were told to go to the principal's office at the end of the day for their punishment.

The principle sighed. "Well, I know things have been difficult for the both of you recently and I am understanding that it might affect you in a variety of ways but that kind of behaviour is prohibited in schools. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," they replied in unison.

"Good. Then get out of here. I won't call your parents. But if there's any more troublemaking behaviour from you two you will be punished appropriately," he called out after them as they shuffled out of the office.

Neither could look at the other and both of them just ignored each other to go to their respective lockers. The school was empty at this point and after gathering all his things, Juuzou groaned in realization that it was still raining slightly and he didn't have an umbrella.

Surprisingly, waiting at the door, with an umbrella, was Mamushi. Their eyes met for the first time since entering the principal's office and Juuzou had to make an effort to turn his laughter into a cough. Even Mamushi tried to hide her smile.

Without saying anything, Mamushi opened her umbrella as they left the school and Juuzou ducked underneath it. To Juuzou's annoyance, he was still the same height as Mamushi.

Juuzou spoke first. "Sooo.…where'd you learn to curse like that?"

Mamushi shrugged. "Here and there." Pause. "Was it really necessary to throw a book at me?"

"Jeez. It didn't hit you. Unlike your words which happened to cut through my very soul thank you very much."

"Good. They were supposed to."

Just like before and all the times before that and probably for a few more times in the future, Mamushi and Juuzou reached the crosswalk and waited for the light to change. The sun had begun peeking out from behind the clouds on their way there and as they waited, the rain came to a complete stop.

As Mamushi closed her umbrella and put it away, she noticed Juuzou fidgeting in the corner of her eye. She was about to snap at him to stop when the light changed and they both stepped off the curb. It was then that she felt Juuzou's hand wrap around hers.

Mamushi was shocked into silence. Her face flushed and her heartbeat started beating faster. She was too nervous to look down at their clasped hands but from the quick glance she took, she saw that Juuzou was blushing as well.

It was the hand she had always known yet it was somehow different. Bigger and rougher due to calluses but still warm to the point of clamminess. Just three years ago it was a hand that she held often, walking across this exact same crosswalk, yet it was no longer the same. No longer felt the same. She definitely didn't blush this much three years ago.

They quickly let go of each other's hands after they had finished crossing. If either had asked the other what that was about, they both would have claimed something about feeling nostalgic. But neither did.

Some things don't change. But some do become different.


	3. feels like home

 

_iii._

The first thing Mamushi becomes aware of is his arms wrapped tightly around her. One of his big hands pressing her head into the safe juncture between his neck, shoulder, and chest. The other wrapped securely around her waist, their legs a tangled mess.

The second thing she notices is the searing pain coming from her left hand that is desperately clutching the back of his shirt, holding him to her. His breath tickles her ear. It is then that she is finally aware of the various shouting voices, the acrid smell of smoke in the air that fills her lungs, and the sounds of a fire extinguisher.

They are lying a little bit aways from the commotion being made by their fellow students and cram teacher. Both of them on their sides, arms wrapped around each other tightly, hearts beating loudly. Then he is pulling away, disentangling, and getting up. Mamushi's arms feel like noodles after having held on so tightly. They're useless but she is able to prop herself up into a sitting position and admire her new wound. She hisses in pain.

His dark eyes are cold and narrowed as he looks down on her. "You are such an idiot." He's mad. Practically furious.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear that from you." Well so is she. He doesn't look back when he limps away but Mamushi doesn't really care.

* * *

 

The autumn sun is only just beginning to set yet it seems that the school festival is already in full swing. Mamushi wouldn't know for sure, however, because she isn't attending the festival herself. In fact, she's heading the opposite way entirely. The deeper into the school she goes, the less she can hear the excited voices and laughter of students. The less people she encounters who have stars in their eyes and an excited flush to their cheeks. Deeper into the school until the only noise is coming from her echoing footsteps. She turns into a hallway that is quickly darkening and stops in front of the designated door.

"Ah, come in Houjou-san."

Mamushi was instantly relieved to see that Toudou-sensei would be the one overseeing their punishment. After getting thoroughly scolded and threatened by the teacher who had been in charge of the practical exam, Mamushi didn't feel like she could stand any more of his glaring.

The classroom looked like a tornado of paint had gone through it. All the desks and chairs had been pushed against the walls and in the clearing that was made was a mess of paint stains. Nearby were mops and buckets ready to be put to use. But Mamushi didn't pay much attention to any of that, clearly understanding what their punishment was going to be, instead her breath was almost taken away by the view that the large classroom window provided.

Unconsciously, she moved away from the door and across the room to look out the window. From the classroom they were given a perfect view of the setting sun, which bathed the classroom in orange, and the festival happening beneath them. She was still gazing out the window when the quiet calm was disrupted by voices coming from the hallway. "It looks like Shima-san has come as well," Toudou-sensei said pleasantly from behind the desk. Mamushi tensed but did not turn around from the window. She began absent mindedly picking at the bandage around her injured hand.

"I can't believe you're missing the festival," one of his friends was saying. "We've been looking forward to this forever."

"Yeah. I know. But we have next year too, right?" Juuzou's easygoing voice could be clearly heard.

Mamushi peeked over her shoulder to see Juuzou and his regular monkey posse standing by the door. One girl stepped away from the others and Juuzou turned his attention to her. "I feel really bad about this Ayame-san. I'm sorry that this was so last minute. I'll make it up to you."

The girl blushed and quickly nodded. "It's no problem Shima-san. I'm just thankful that you agreed to go with me."

The friends began to depart but the girl shot a look over to where Mamushi stood before leaving. It wasn't so much a glare as it was one that was filled with conflict and concern. Juuzou, on the other hand, didn't even look her way.

"Well, now that you are both here, we can get started," Toudou-sensei said as he got up from the desk and clasped his hands together. "Houjou Mamushi and Shima Juuzou, do both of you know why you are here?"

They both nodded in confirmation. "Really? Well then Shima-san, please explain to me why you believe you deserve to be punished."

"Right. Uh, well both Mamushi and I ignored orders during the practical exam. We were instructed not to approach the demon unless we were in our selected teams of four. Both Mamushi and I broke away from our teams and approached the demon alone. The demon caught us off guard and attacked us with its flames. Though neither of us were severely injured, we could have been."

"Indeed. Due to your actions during the practical exam earlier today you are to both be punished. Apparently, your actions were so reckless and dangerous to yourselves and your fellow classmates that your sensei refused to postpone your punishment to a later date." With that Toudou-sensei shot them an apologetic smile. Neither Juuzou nor Mamushi gave a reaction.

"So your duties for tonight include cleaning up this mess made by the students in charge of posters for the festival. Apparently they got into a bit of mischief while they were at it. Afterwards you are to write a 700 word essay on the benefits of cooperation and why it is important to acknowledge your own strengths and weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. If there aren't any questions, you may begin."

Without a word, they both made their way to the waiting mops and buckets and silently got to work. The only sounds were the swishing of the mops, the ticking of the clock, and the occasional flip of paper as Toudou marked his students' work. Neither of them looked up from what they were doing.

It didn't take much time for them to shed their uniform blazers and roll up their sleeves, both wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. Without either of them noticing, the sun had set, changing the orange sky into a deep navy blue. The classroom light had been turned on but outside the dark was cut through by the lights and lanterns of the festival.

Mamushi and Juuzou were able to clear away the mess without having to even speak to each other. They were just finishing up putting the desks and chairs back in place when the lights of the classroom flickered off. This was the first time that they noticed how dark it had gotten.

"What's this? I guess they forgot about us," Toudou-sensei let out a nervous chuckle. "Err, I suppose I'll have to fix this so that we can continue." He got up from the desk and moved to the door before pausing. He hesitated and turned back. "It won't be a problem if I left you two alone right?" Again, there was no reaction. "Just to let you know that if there are any problems, I'll have to double your punishments according to my judgement." With an uncharacteristic edge to his smile, he left the room.

That left Mamushi and Juuzou awkwardly standing in the dark, the only light coming from the lanterns outside. Rather than stay like that, Mamushi moved towards the window again, staring at the lanterns in the sky. She heard rather than saw Juuzou sit down on one of the desks.

The silence seemed so loud at first but eventually Mamushi was able to tune it out as she gazed out the window. She thought it might even last for the entire time they were there and was completely fine with that. She should have known better.

"Sad about missing out on the festival? It's your own fault though," he threw out casually, though Mamushi could hear a certain amount of tension in his voice.

She didn't really want to start a conversation with him but couldn't contain the urge to correct him. Without turning to face him, she said, "I had no intention of going to that festival. But the view is quite nice."

"Hmmm. Maybe. But if you never go, you'll never know what it's really like."

She didn't bother granting that a response. Juuzou blew out a sigh. "So. Mamushi. Mind telling me what's been up with you lately?"

Mamushi bristled but didn't make a move to look at him. "Afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really?" The desk creaked from under him as he shifted his weight. "Well let me spell it out for you then. You've been acting like there's an even bigger stick up your ass than usual."

Mamushi snorted unattractively. "Real nice Juuzou. You never seem to talk like that in front of the others. What if your brothers heard you speak like that." It was enough, however, to get her to turn her back on the window and face him.

Juuzou shrugged while scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, nobody else seems to piss me off like you do Mamushi."

"It's a gift," was the dry reply.

There was a short silence that was much lighter than the ones previous but it ended when Juuzou looked up and stared straight into Mamushi's eyes. Any relaxed expression that had been on his face before, gone. "You know, we could have been really hurt out there." There was no accusation in his voice, it sounded like a simple observation, but Mamushi felt herself going on the defensive.

"Lucky for me you were there to save the day. My hero," her tone seemed light on the surface but there was a hidden toxicity to it that would make one mistake it for a snarl.

For a moment, Juuzou shot her a glare. But then he stood up and suddenly he was dangerous. Or at least that was what it felt like to Mamushi. The way he walked towards her, never taking his eyes off hers, all screamed danger. It made Mamushi try to subtly take a step back only to feel the coolness of the window glass go straight through her thin shirt as her back pressed against it.

"You're absolutely right Mamushi,"he said as he moved towards her. "You are incredibly lucky that I was there to save your ass." His voice was lower and had a rumbly quality that hadn't been there just a year –or was it two?- ago. Mamushi took this moment to mentally state that she did not appreciate its newfound qualities. At all.

As he entered her space and came into the light of the window, the moonlight reflected off his skin to make him look paler than usual. This contrasted with his ink black hair and dark dark eyes. At this proximity, he seemed to tower over Mamushi, another relatively recent, and totally unnecessary in her opinion, development. "I don't think it is an exaggeration to think of me as your hero. Because, considering what could have happened, I did essentially save your life." His gaze was unrelenting but even with his intimidating presence, Mamushi refused to look away. Just because he had changed in a few ways did not mean that he wasn't still the snivelling kid she used to best throughout their childhood on the inside.

"And it was you Mamushi who provided me the opportunity of doing so. It was all you. So how about you show some appreciation for your  _hero_  and direct your anger to someone who really deserves it." The icy look he was giving her now was also new, Juuzou wasn't normally the type to look like that, and it was almost enough to get her to look away. There was certainly a small flush creeping up at the back of her neck that seemed something like shame. But Mamushi did not feel it because of the way she was treating Juuzou. Of course not. That's not the sort of thing she felt ashamed about. Rather, it was because Juuzou was, for once, correct. It was shame from her own stupid actions that put her in this position.

She knew that what she did was stupid and Mamushi couldn't even come up with a proper excuse for why she did it. Something had just seized up inside of her. As if being the one to defeat this demon single-handedly and having the physical proof of her superiority as an exorcist would be enough to get her out of this funk she was in, to make her feel better. And she knew exactly why she had seemed, as Juuzou put it, as if there was "an even bigger stick up her ass" recently. But it was the most ridiculous thing and Mamushi refused it consider it a legitimate excuse for anything. Yet, it seemed like the only possible explanation for her behaviour, for her so-called funk.

Homesickness. At her age! Mamushi wasn't completely unreasonable. She understood that in her position of having to go to school in a city that seemed much farther from home than it really was, plus her already very strong bonds to her family and heritage it would be natural to feel a little out of place here at True Cross. But she was here to become an exorcist. For her family and for her temple. It was incredibly important to her to do well here and yet she had let visions of the temple and her sisters and home cooked meals distract her from studies. So much so that Juuzou had actually done better than her on the past two exams. And for Mamushi that was just not acceptable. And maybe that had created a sense of inferiority in Mamushi that pushed her into thinking that she had to prove herself. Especially with the only excuse being the hardly excusable feeling of 'homesickness'. But it was true. Mamushi missed home so much sometimes it made some days here almost not worth it.

However, she could not, would not, let Juuzou know. Not in this lifetime. Simply because she refused to let him have the power over her by knowing this. Mamushi did not like feeling weak but that was multiplied by 100 when it came to Juuzou. No way could he know that she was experiencing homesickness. Especially since Juuzou did not seem to have that problem.

Juuzou was popular wherever he went. That was just fact at this point. And it wasn't really a bother to Mamushi unless people came up to her just to talk about him which she just wouldn't do. But it made him adaptable in a way that she was not. It hadn't posed a problem until now though. Because Juuzou would never feel the same way as her.

Still stuck in a staredown with Juuzou, Mamushi inhaled deeply before continuing, "You're right." Juuzou's eyes widened in surprise. "I shouldn't be mad that you interfered when it was stupid of me to even do what I did and it was your interference that stopped me from getting hurt even worse. Okay? Happy now?"

Eyes still wide, Juuzou subconsciously backed a little out of Mamushi's space. "So, why did you?"

Mamushi made a face. She gave up a little of her pride to say that but she wasn't going to chuck it all away. "None of your business. But trust me, it wasn't worth it and I won't do anything like it again." Surely this unfortunate incident would be enough to put an end to any distractions caused by her longing for home.

Juuzou looked at her curiously but before he had a chance to say anything, a frazzled looking Toudou-sensei suddenly reappeared at the door and made both of them jump. Juuzou subtly moved even further away. Toudou-sensei let out a nervous chuckle. "I guess I've failed as a teacher once again. It seems I couldn't find anyone to help fix this problem for us. However, I suppose missing the festival was punishment enough, right? Besides you're both bright kids who'll learn from your mistakes, I'm sure of it."

"Yes sensei," they responded obediently.

"Good. Well then. I suppose you are dismissed for the night."

Mamushi and Juuzou grabbed their things and walked out into the completely darkened hallway. They quickly made their way through the school with the only sound being their ringing footsteps. They only stopped once they had stepped out into the cool fall air. Neither had wanted to admit to the other that being in the school at night freaked them out.

From the spot where they had exited the school they were given another view of the festival. Juuzou paused to stare at it, a wistful expression on his face. He even let out a sigh. Mamushi felt a pang…a pang of something. Something that seemed oddly similar to guilt. Like maybe she felt guilty that Juuzou had missed the festival because of her.

"If you hurry you could still make it you know," Mamushi threw over her shoulder as she began making her way to the dorms.

Juuzou easily caught up to her. "Yeah, I guess. But it wasn't exactly this festival I had wanted to go to. Remember the ones we used to have back home? We're missing it this year." Mamushi felt a different kind of pang go through her. "It's basically why I was so excited to go to this one. So that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. But it was pointless. Home and here are way too different."

When Mamushi closed her eyes she could clearly remember the festival from last year back home. It wasn't as big as the one here but she could still taste the cotton candy on her lips, the rush of excitement from winning a game at a stall, and still remember the firework show that ended the night.

She opened her eyes and stared at Juuzou discreetly. She couldn't help but be a little surprised to hear Juuzou say that though. She had assumed that his apparent excitement for the festival was because of how elaborate the one at True Cross was. She had no idea that he had been missing home just like she had. Mamushi tried to stop herself but couldn't help it. "Do you miss home a lot Juuzou?" She tried to ask as casually as possible.

"Well, yeah, of course. All the time. It's  _home_. Don't you miss it?" Juuzou turned to ask with a teasing glint in his eye but before Mamushi could respond he was already saying, "Actually, there is no way you can even say you don't. Not even you're that heartless." He chuckled.

Mamushi was mildly irritated by the insult but she was more distracted by the way an opportunity had presented itself. Not once had she admitted it out loud and here was her chance and maybe it was just what she needed. "Yes," she said, a little louder than the volume during their conversation had been previously. It startled Juuzou enough to look at her again. "I do miss home. A lot," she confessed to the one person she promised she wouldn't.

She could feel his eyes on her face as she looked ahead and she had to remind herself she had nothing to be embarrassed about (he had admitted it first) and keep any sign of a blush to a minimum. But then he grinned, and rather excitedly said, "You'll never guess what I miss most about home. It's not the festivals and it's not my friends. It's not even the temple or my family."

He paused for affect before saying something that Mamushi could never have predicted. "It's ice cream. But no. Not regular ice cream. It's the one that we use to buy at that convenience store near the ryokan. Do you remember?" There was an excited gleam in his eye.

Mamushi, however, had an incredulous look on her face. "Are you being serious? You can buy that shitty ice cream at any convenience store around the country. Hell, you could even get it at the convenience store on campus. What are you even talking about?"

"Oh no. This ice cream was special. It tasted different." Before Mamushi could counter that, he continued. "We used to buy it to eat while watching the fireworks. And remember when we got it for the first time after our first swimming lesson. It was a treat from my dad for successfully learning how to float on our backs. Or after we graduated elementary and middle school? Or when you dared me to eat it in less than ten seconds that one time in winter? There was even snow on the ground! Or how about the countless times we had to buy it for your sisters and Bon, Konekomaru, and Renzou? Or all those times after training? When we thought we wouldn't be able to move again. Do you remember?"

The poignant feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed Mamushi. She opened her mouth. Yes. All of it. But paused. And then, "No. I have no idea what you're talking about."  _Stupid,_  she internally scolded herself. She never made it easy.

But Juuzou did not look disappointed. He stopped walking and looked around as if to determine where they were before seeming to come to a decision. At the moment they had been cutting through a courtyard lit by dim streetlamps as a shortcut to the dorms. "Wait here," Juuzou emphasized, putting both hands up as if she was some kind of animal or child. "I'll be right back." Before Mamushi even had a chance to respond, he went off running in another direction.

"I'm not a dog!" Mamushi angrily called towards his retreating form but he didn't look back. She grumbled and made a fuss even though no one was there to see it but eventually took a seat on one of the benches.

It was another eight minutes before he came running back, out of breath and two ice creams in hand. Mamushi was unimpressed. "I told you you could buy that shitty ice cream on campus," was her response after seeing him. Apparently, there was nothing that could kill Juuzou's buzz at the moment because he did not rise to the bait and simply handed her one and took the seat next to her.

It was just their luck that it was at this point in time that a distant boom and whistle could be heard as the sky filled with fireworks. Blues, reds, pinks, greens, all danced brightly above them as they enjoyed their evening treat.

From the corner of her eye, Mamushi saw Juuzou adjust in his seat. Their arms rested against each other in his new position and after some deliberation, Mamushi decided it really wasn't worth moving her arm away for, so they sat like that together, both getting warmth from the contact. It reminded her of the fireworks from the festivals of her past. Eating ice cream bought by their parents from the convenience store nearby and having Juuzou annoyingly close against her as they watched the colours burst in the night sky.

Juuzou did not look away from the fireworks when he murmured, "You know, I said that you could only get our ice cream back home and that there was nothing like it, but I have to admit, this ice cream isn't so bad."

Mamushi hummed in agreement. "It's actually quite good," she said honestly. To Mamushi it tasted so familiar that it brought on a surge of old memories that she hadn't thought about since forever. What she didn't admit was that being here with Juuzou was the most at home she had felt since actually being home.

She argued with herself for a while before finally deciding to just do it. "Thanks Juuzou."

The arm against her moved as Juuzou shrugged in response. "It was no problem. I actually kind of did it for myself. Besides," at this he turned to give her a grin that others might have described as 'charming'. "I'm your hero aren't I?" The hero found himself getting smacked over the head.

After that night, Mamushi found herself surprisingly back to her old self. Or maybe not so surprisingly. Her energy and focus were back and she was able to apply herself rigorously to her studies once again. Without the distractions and without the need to prove herself on her own.

However, whenever a slump seemed to be around the corner neither of them said anything when the other happened to appear before them with an ice cream in hand just when they needed it. Nope, neither of them felt a need to mention this.


	4. be my calm in the eye of the storm

 

_iv._

The winter night air was peaceful. Not a sound could be heard as the first snowfall of the winter continued to blanket the already white ground outside the ryokan. Not a sound besides the harsh cold gulps of air that Mamushi forced down from where she was crouched.

Her cheeks were flushed and her nose a bright red from the biting air. She clutched at her arms. A part of her registered the fact that she hadn't brought her jacket with her when she made her escape. However, her main focus was on the words ringing in her head.

_"_ _It's such a shame. He has three daughters."_

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be enjoying her break from school back home. Spending time with her family, including those simply related through the Myo Dha sect.

Yet, when she and Juuzou had arrived in Kyoto, they were not met by members of their family but rather a fellow exorcist who solemnly led them, not to their homes, but the ryokan. Both Juuzou and Mamushi had felt uneasy the whole way there. Too uneasy to even question what had happened.

Once they arrived, they found out that Uwabami Houjou had just been dealt a heavy blow in his last exorcist assignment and was currently in intensive care at the ryokan where those of a Doctor meister were trying to heal him.

Mamushi had been so good. So good at getting her face to reveal nothing as she heard the news. So good at remaining calm despite all the sympathetic looks.

She had sat with her family for the majority of the day. But as they dozed off in their chairs, Mamushi had gone to stretch her legs, only to find herself passing the room where her father laid.

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop. She wasn't even able to hear most of the conversation. The only bit she picked up before she found herself running down the hall, chest heaving, to the outside, that had turned into a winter wonderland while her heart had fallen like a stone, leaving her footprints in the snow behind her, before she had to stop, her breath turning into white clouds in front of her;

_"_ _It's such a shame. He has three daughters."_

This wasn't supposed to happen. She had to remain calm. She had to be put together. She could not break down like this. But her body did not respond to these thoughts. Her teeth began to chatter uncontrollably.

She didn't hear him until he was shaking her and shouting into her ear. "-mushi! Mamushi!"

That broke her away from the dread that was filling her mind and soul. She was actually able to gain enough of a semblance to herself that she jerked away from his grip and snarled, "What?"

Juuzou managed to simultaneously give her a look of exasperation and relief. After a beat of silence he just said, "I thought you might be cold."

Mamushi was unable to respond. Partly because she didn't feel as if she had the energy to and partly because her damn teeth wouldn't stop chattering.

Juuzou didn't seem to mind. He just bit the end of the sleeve of his jacket as he started tugging it off. He then wrapped it around Mamushi's shoulders. It was only then that he hesitated.

Finally, he made a move to wrap his arms around her back and underneath her legs. Mamushi stopped him before he could go any further. "What are you doing?" she said, accusation evident in her tone. "I can walk."

"You're not wearing any shoes," was his simple reply.

Mamushi stared at her soaked socked feet. "Oh."

However, he didn't continue in moving his arms under her legs. Instead, he simply crouched with his back towards her. Mamushi just stared at his wide shoulders under his dark sweater, hesitating. Eventually, she slowly climbed onto his back. Her numb fingers clutched at his sweater and she allowed for him to wrap his arms around her knees.

The warmth of his back against her chest calmed her erratic heartbeat. She hated it. But she couldn't make herself let go.

He didn't let her go as he entered the ryokan once again, firmly closing the door shut behind him. Nor as he took her down a series of hallways before entering a room.

It was dark except for the small window that allowed for whatever light created by the snow outside to let Mamushi see a futon, a kotatsu, and recognize Juuzou's suitcase. She absentmindedly wondered why Juuzou had never gone home but was too cold, too distracted, to be able to focus on any one thought.

Finally, Juuzou let Mamushi to slowly drop to the ground. She leaned against a nearby wall before slowly sliding down to the ground, her shivering getting worse.

She didn't look up to see Juuzou's reaction but she heard him move across the room and unzip his luggage. There was a shuffling through clothes before he made his way over to her.

Mamushi did nothing as he knelt in front of her and started to roll up her pants. He slipped off her wet socks to pull up a pair of his own. They were big on her but Juuzou clumsily tried his best to make it work. The sight of him caused something to stir inside of Mamushi and she felt odd.

However, once again, Juuzou hesitated. He scratched his neck nervously and looked away. "Your clothes…"

Mamushi noticed the other clothes Juuzou had brought with him and understood. Her face heated. And she was mortified. Mortified that she was having such a normal reaction to the idea of changing her clothes in the same room as Juuzou, when things were so clearly not normal. A rational part of Mamushi understood that she was experiencing shock because of her situation but that meant that things like this shouldn't have the same effect on her as it would if things were still normal.

"Turn around," she said quietly, hoping he hadn't noticed her reaction. He did so at once and moved away to the other side of the room.

She shakily stood up and began removing her wet articles of clothing. She tried to change as fast as she could but her movements felt slow to her. She put on Juuzou's oversized sweatshirt and tightened his sweatpants around her waist as much she could, before rolling up the pant legs.

Mamushi cleared her throat. When Juuzou turned around, she offered his jacket back to him. "Thanks," he said awkwardly. "Uh, would you like to-" He stopped talking when he saw Mamushi crawl under the kotatsu. She let the warmth soak into her cold body. But she gained no joy from it.

Juuzou joined her under the kotatsu. Mamushi had hoped that they would be able to sit in silence but that didn't end up being the case.

"You should go to sleep. You can take the futon. I'll sleep in my dad's room."

Mamushi just shivered.

Juuzou hesitated before moving to her side of the table. He pushed her to the side a little, to make room for himself. The sides of their arms were pressed together. Juuzou was still much warmer than Mamushi so she didn't pull away and actually found herself leaning into it.

His warmth slowly began to seep into her.

Mamushi didn't want to say anything. She couldn't help but think that she was going to kick herself later for letting Juuzou see her in such a state and not even bother getting rid of him as fast as she could, but she really really could not make herself care at the moment.

Again he broke the silence. "Mamushi… It's alright to be scared...But you shouldn't worry unnecessarily. Exorcists go through these things all the time. The doctors are experienced and will be able to help him."

"...You don't know that." Mamushi's voice sounded hoarse even to herself.

"Your dad is stronger than that. We both know that. Hell, everyone in the sect knows that."

Suddenly, Mamushi couldn't keep her mouth shut. She whispered, "All I keep thinking about is how ridiculous I am for being surprised. This is what exorcists do. They risk their lives fighting demons. Risk their lives fighting for things that people don't even believe in anymore. This is what my father and family has always done and it's what I'm training to do. I'm such an idiot for even being surprised that this would happen."

"Mamushi…"

"I mean, this is what we have to do. It's our duty."

"No," Juuzou said this firmly. "It's what we believe in. It's what we want to do. It's our pride. At least, that's what I think. It's the same for you, isn't it." It wasn't much of a question.

Mamushi couldn't answer. She was just really confused, and tired, and cold at this point.

"It's alright for you to be scared. Scared for yourself and for your family. And if you don't want to do this anymore, I guess that's fine. But don't forget that your dad got injured doing something he believes in. Don't confuse this fear of losing someone with a fear that is greater than your want to be an exorcist."

Even in her current state, Mamushi could hear the ring of truth that Juuzou's words held.

Mamushi wrapped her arms around herself and thought, to hell with it, and leaned even more more into Juuzou's warmth. The chill from outside still clung deep into her bones.

When a sudden thought struck her, she didn't think twice before opening her mouth. "What was it like when your brother died?"

As soon as she said it, the question seemed to hang in the air and Mamushi felt a flash of guilt. She knew how hard it still was for Juuzou to talk about.

From the side of her eye, she could see the slightly pained expression Juuzou made before answering. "...It's not going to be like that."

Mamushi knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to push it. That would be harsh even for her. Yet she couldn't stop herself from turning to stare at Juuzou expectantly.

He looked at her before staring straight ahead and sighing. "It...it was hard obviously. It's always hard to lose someone. Especially when he was so young…" Juuzou trailed off.

The feeling of guilt returned with strength. She didn't know how she expected this would help her and was starting to regret her actions but Juuzou continued.

"The worst part is the finality of it. People always say you'll have the memories but that's just it. You will only get those memories. You'll never be allowed to make more. And the older I grow, it makes me realize that I never really had a chance to get to know the brother I've mourned."

There was a lengthy pause.

"But whatever other feelings I may have, the strongest and most important is pride. But not just pride about how he died but pride in how he chose to live his life."

At some point as Juuzou was talking, Mamushi went and leaned her head against his shoulder, too tired to care about formalities. She could feel herself drifting but she managed to soak up everything Juuzou was saying. And in her near unconscious state, Mamushi found herself filled with gratitude. Gratitude that he shared that part of himself with her, even though it was hard, and he did so to make her feel better. And it did. Mamushi wasn't sure how or why, but the words resonated with her. The sound of his voice managed to give her enough peace of mind that she was able to finally soothe her heavy heart and slow her racing mind.

Before Mamushi fully and completely fell asleep, she managed to whisper two words that she would normally have to be tortured to say to Juuzou: "Thank you."

* * *

 

"...And don't bother doing anything while you're still healing!"

Uwabami just laughed the way he only did in front of his daughters. "You nag worse than your mother."

Mamushi just crosses her arms with a 'hmph'.

They were exchanging their goodbyes at the train station before Mamushi and Juuzou were to head back to Tokyo. Even after boarding the train, they waved to their families from the window until the train left the platform. Their families waved back, Uwabami seated in a shiny wheelchair that he would need until he fully recovered but other than that, just the same as he always was.

When the station was out of sight, Mamushi got settled in her seat and sneaked a look at Juuzou next to her who was rummaging through his bag. They hadn't been alone since the 'incident' and Mamushi was slightly worried it would be weird.

"Hey, Mamushi," he said, suddenly. Mamushi had to quickly act as if she wasn't startled to hear him talk.

"What?" she said defensively.

He shot her an annoyed look. "Please tell me you kept your dirty paws off the snacks that my mom packed me for the trip."

Mamushi felt her eye twitch as she looked at him in shock. She regained her composure with a snarl. "Yeah, like I would  _want_  to eat that crap. You Shimas have the worst taste in snack food."

This time it was Juuzou's turn to twitch. "Oi Houjou. Take that back."

Mamushi placed a finger to her chin as she faked a thoughtful look. "I actually might have mistaken it for trash and just thrown it out."

This was only the beginning of the bickering that would last them almost the entire trip back to school. Needless to say, these two could argue about anything.

But despite how enraged Mamushi acted towards Juuzou, that didn't stop her from feeling a not-completely-foreign emotion towards him throughout their argument.

_"_ _Thank you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been like 3 years since i wrote these chapters so I really should edit them....but it's like 4 am so i'm not going to do that sorry 🤷♀️


	5. dreams and wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote this chapter so enjoy

 

 _v_ _._

 

_Ding dong!_

Mamushi groaned and shifted on her couch. She had been sleeping and was wrapped up in a warm blanket. She blinked her bleary eyes. She awoke to an empty house and immediately wished she hadn't woken up at all.

But then she remembered  _what_  she had been dreaming about and was instantly glad that she had been interrupted. She was having the strangest dream about  _he-who-should-not-be-named_. She shuddered to think what would happen if anyone found out that she, on occasion, dreamt about  _him._

In this instance, she could blame her strange dream, that had left her heart racing and palms sweating, on the fact that she had been running a fever since this morning. Though that didn't explain the  _other_ dreams she had every once in a while.

_Ding dong, ding dong!_

_Knock, knock, knock!_

Mamushi was reminded of what woke her up in the first place. With a groan, she heaved her aching body up. Her blanket still securely wrapped around her.

Her sisters were away at school and her parents away on an exorcist mission since last week. They were supposed to be back two days ago, but the mission had taken an unexpected turn. Now her parents wouldn't be back till tomorrow. They were very sorry, and promised to make it up to her, but it still meant she was left at home by herself with a terrible fever. And the only one available to answer the door.

She shuffled towards the door as the doorbell went off again. She opened it with a jerk, scowl already on her face. It didn't get better when she saw who was on the other side.

Juuzou stood there with a pleasant smile on his face. He was holding a brown paper bag. Without saying a word, Mamushi quickly tried to shut the door. Key word, "tried".

Juuzou shoved his foot through the gap in the doorway and leaned his weight against it. Mamushi leaned on the other side and tried to push it close.

"Come on, Mamushi. Is this how you treat your guests?" Juuzou said through gritted teeth.

"Get lost! You're not a guest! You're just a monkey!" Mamushi replied, teeth equally gritted.

She did not win the battle over the door. Obviously. Juuzou was much bigger than her and she was sick, but that didn't stop her feeling annoyed that she couldn't keep him out.

"What are you doing here?" she huffed.

"Well, uh, I heard your parents weren't back yet. And that you were sick.  _Today_. So, uh, your parents told me to come by and help you out. Plus, since I don't have any exorcist work right now, I thought, why not?"

Mamushi squinted at him, arms crossed. "But, why? I can take care of myself. Besides, all I need to do is get some rest and take some medicine. There's nothing you can do right now that I can't do myself."

"I mean, I know you can take care of yourself, and that you'd survive even if I wasn't here. But that doesn't mean you should be alone. Being alone sucks when you're, you know, sick." His pleasant smile was back.

Mamushi blew out an angry breath, but didn't say anything else. What was left to say? He was right, she didn't really want to be alone today. Besides, he was already inside.

She turned to shuffle back to her spot on the couch without another word. In her state, standing was a pain.

Juuzou hastily closed the door behind him. "Hey, Mamushi, cheer up. It's better me than any of my brothers right?"

He was met with silence.

"Right?" He repeated.

When Juuzou caught up with her in the living room, he paused when he saw the scene before him. Mamushi was embarrassed as she looked around herself with fresh eyes. There were tissues spread around everywhere.

Hastily, she grabbed the tissues to throw out and tried to clean the area.

"Here," she heard Juuzou say, "Give them to me." She turned around to see Juuzou look as if he was about to perform surgery. He was wearing a mask around his mouth and had put on rubber gloves, that he had quickly grabbed out of his bag.

Mamushi couldn't help but snort at the sight of him, but also moved the tissues in her hands out of his reach. It was too embarrassing to give him her used tissues, gloves or not. "No. I can do this myself."

Juuzou ignored her and stepped closer to reach for the tissues. Mamushi blushed. Not at his proximity of course. But because of her fever, obviously. She tried to step away, but he only followed her.

"Don't be stupid," he said, as he grabbed the tissues out of her hands despite her resistance and weak protests. "You're sick. Just go lay down and I'll take care of the rest."

Mamushi didn't know what to say as she watched him pick up the rest of the tissues and leave the room. Eventually, she just let out a sigh and laid down in her original spot on the couch. "He must have been bored to come over here just to help me," she grumbled.

She was adjusting her blankets when Juuzou walked back in without the gloves and mask. In his hands was a glass of water and some placed them on the coffee table and knelt next to her.

Mamushi's already warm face got even warmer under his probing eyes and deep concentration.

"What?" she mumbled in an annoyed huff.

"Your face is super red. You look like a tomato," he replied bluntly.

Mamushi's mouth opened in surprise and she was about to yell at him when she started coughing.

"Here, take it easy," Juuzou handed her the glass of water.

Mamushi handed back the glass, but was surprised when she felt Juuzou's cold hand on her forehead. If it was even possible at this point, she felt her face heat up more. He was close enough that she could count his eyelashes. She was starting to feel light headed.

"You're so warm. And your face is even redder. Take this medicine and try to get some rest."

Mamushi begrudgingly took the medicine and glass of water from his outstretched hands all while mumbling, "Like I could sleep with you around bothering me."

She knew she was being childish, but it wasn't just Juuzou that she was upset about. Mamushi couldn't help but be disappointed about the way the entire day was turning out. 

 _Of course it would be like this today, of ALL days_ , she thought. Being childish for childish reasons. What kind of adult was she.

Despite her thoughts, when Mamushi closed her eyes, she was quick to fall asleep. The sleep was fitful, however. Plagued with images of a certain someone. Distracting images of him. Things she hadn't even realized she noticed or thought about. A mix of memories and imagination.

The taut muscles in his arms when he was training. The small mole in the centre of his back. The rough feeling of his calloused fingers on her body. Her hands on his bare chest. Him wiping the sweat off his forehead after a workout. His tongue sweeping across his bottom lip. His half-lidded eyes.

Her body became uncomfortably warm as she slept. She constantly shifted to get comfortable.

At some point, she could have sworn she felt hands tucking the blanket under her chin. Cool hands that hovered above her before swiping the hair off her face, and lingered on her cheek.

After that, her dreams also cooled down. She dreamt of rain and familiar hands holding hers. Juuzou, brow furrowed, face set with determination as he focused on the task before him. Juuzou making his siblings laugh. Juuzou's cheeks tinged pink, a sheepish smile on his face, in one of the very rare occasions that he was embarrassed. Juuzou shyly playing with his hands. Another rare occasion that Mamushi delighted in. Juuzou's hearty laughter. Juuzou's arms around her, his heartbeat in her ears. Juuzou smiling at her. Genuinely. Widely. Mamushi felt as if she could bask in that smile forever.

When she eventually woke up, it was like being pulled to the surface after being submerged under water. The first thing she noticed was that it was darker. A cold towel had been placed on her forehead, her blanket readjusted, and a fresh glass of water placed nearby. The house was quiet and still. It felt emptier now than it did before.

In her half awake, feverish, state, she couldn't stop the feeling of loneliness spreading through her, entrapping her in it's cold and oppressive grip. She didn't want to be left alone, no matter how she'd been acting. And right now, she was afraid that her actions resulted in exactly that happening.

The fear drove her to call out, "Juuzou?" into the dark house, that now felt like a gaping void. She called out once more before a silhouette appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, I'm still here," he said softly, as he approached her. The sound of his voice instantly reassuring. And just as instantly, Mamushi felt silly and angry at herself for calling out for him. And the tone of voice she had used! The voice of a little girl.

"You've been asleep for a while. Are you hungry?" Mamushi just nodded, still embarrassed. "Good. Let me grab something for you in the kitchen." He forgot to turn on the lights as he left the room.

Mamushi took big gulps from her glass of water and removed the towel from her forehead. She removed the blanket off her and sat up properly. She was feeling slightly better than she had this morning.

Then she noticed the light. It was coming from the doorway. There were candles on a small sponge cake. And the face being lit up by the candles was Juuzou's. Mamushi couldn't take her eyes off the only source of light in the room.

"You're not going to make me sing, are you?" Juuzou joked with a slightly embarrassed grin. A rare sight.

Mamushi shook her dazed head, incapable of thought, much less speech. Juuzou knelt down in front of her, the cake on a tray between them. "Happy birthday, Mamushi."

Mamushi stared at Juuzou over the cake. The wax starting to melt off the candles that read "20." The candlelight flickered in his dark eyes.

Juuzou eventually ended their stare off by saying, "Well, aren't you going to make a wish?"

Finally, Mamushi closed her eyes. She blamed it on the fever, but immediately a wish popped into her head and, without thinking twice about it, she wordlessly blew out the candles.

Juuzou coughed slightly as the smoke hit his face. "Let me cut you a slice."

Mamushi nodded, still dazed. Her thoughts were a mess.

He  _knew_. She didn't think he would know, but  _he did_. Maybe her parents told him. But she knew how busy they were right now. Maybe, just maybe, Juuzou had planned all this himself. Because he knew that she would be sick and alone for her birthday.

The thought made her heart clench and her stomach flutter. Or maybe the other way around. Mamushi didn't know! She just felt like the ground was shifting from under her and she didn't know what to do.

* * *

"You need to stop." They had been eating the cake in silence when Mamushi couldn't hold herself back any longer. Her still present fever probably making her a little bolder and less filtered than usual.

"Stop what?"

"Stop being so nice to me. It's weird and confusing." Maybe it was Juuzou's behaviour that led her to having those dreams about him. If that was the case, then she needed him to stop. Immediately.

He paused. He took a moment before he looked at her.

"I'm not nice to you."

Mamushi let out a humourless laugh. "What would you call this?"

Juuzou shrugged. "Finding a new way to torment you? Forcing you to spend a birthday with only me for company. Terrible, right?" His grin didn't reach his eyes. "But I think it's interesting that you would call this a nice thing."

Mamushi bit her lip and tried to make her gaze as penetrating as possible. "You're lying. You know you're being nice."

Juuzou sighed and refused to look at her. "Why would I be nice to you?" He let out a dry chuckle. "You're frustrating and difficult and stubborn. You never say what you're thinking. Or feeling! Especially feeling."

He finally looked up at her. "Even after all this time, I still have to work to figure you out."

Juuzou stared at her so intently that Mamushi had to look away. Her face was starting to feel warm again. There was a long silence.

When he spoke again, his voice was lower and softer. "And what if I did choose to be nice to you? Can you really not think of a reason why I should be?"

He barely gave Mamushi a chance to think, much less answer, before he charged on ahead. Not that it mattered. Mamushi was starting to feel super light headed. Too light headed to be able to come up with an answer or even a snarky comment.

"We've known each other our whole lives. And despite how much you resist, you've been someone I have relied on, can rely on." Juuzou finally looked away, his first sign of nervousness. "And...and I, kind of, sort of, maybe care about you." She could tell his cheeks had turned pink even in the low lighting.

Mamushi was finding it harder to breathe. Was the room spinning or was that just her?

"I mean, obviously," Juuzou said quickly. "Our families see each other as family. And I know you care more about your family and community than you do yourself."

The heat in Mamushi's face was becoming too much. Her vision went blurry.

"Oi, Mamushi. Are you alright?" she heard Juuzou ask, but it sounded as if it was coming from another room.

"I'm fine," she slurred before it all went black.

* * *

Of all the things she could have done….Mamushi fainted. Thankfully, this time she didn't dream. Or at least didn't remember if she did. In fact, Mamushi can't remember much that happened after that.

She was in and out of sleep until her parents came home. Sometimes faking it because she was too embarrassed to deal with the fact that she passed out from her fever in front of Juuzou.

Two days after the incident, her father came into her bedroom to check on her. She had mostly recovered.

"It turns out that Juuzou got sick from visiting you." Her father shook his head. "I told him to only drop by for five minutes to check up on you, to avoid getting sick as well. Now, I feel like this is my fault."

"Don't worry about it father. I can assure you that Juuzou is sick due to his own foolishness," Mamushi mumbled.

Her father raised an eyebrow. "You know he carried you to your bedroom after you fainted? He was worried about you and asked to know when your fever broke."

Her father's disapproval in her attitude was obvious. She was also embarrassed by her behaviour.

Her father turned to walk out of her room but she stopped him.

"Tell Juuzou…"

Mamushi searched for the right words. Not sure what she wants to say, or even how she feels.

"Tell him that he doesn't have to stop. If he doesn't want to. And," Mamushi took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "I'm sorry."

Uwabami visibly showed his confusion.

"Don't worry. He'll understand. I hope," Mamushi mumbled, face red. It wasn't as honest as she wanted to be, but it was as vulnerable as she felt comfortable being.

When her father left (not before asking if her fever had returned, considering how red her face was), she pulled the covers over her head. She remembered the wish she made on her birthday candles.

There was plenty of things that she should have wished for. For the reputation of her sect to improve. For her to change and be more honest with herself and others. But the first wish that came to her feverish mind was...

She wished that Juuzou would never change. That he would always be this person, no matter what happens.

Just the thought of her stupid wish made Mamushi's face heat up again. Ugh. With her weird dreams, and Juuzou's annoying behaviour, and her traitorous body, things had gotten so much more confusing recently. No one told her how complicated getting older would be.


End file.
